EP23 - Striving For the Best Life

The Family Ties: Understanding Leadership, Faith, and Resilience in Society

In this enlightening episode, co-hosts Frank Abdul Shaheed & 
 Faridah Abdul-Tawwab Brown explore essential themes surrounding family dynamics, leadership, faith, and resilience. They discuss recent personal milestones and the impact of seasonal changes, emphasizing the balanced roles of men and women inspired by Imam WD Muhammad's teachings. The episode delves into the inherent strength of women, the crucial role of fatherhood, and lessons from historical figures like Frederick Douglass on nurturing children's innocence and the support for orphans. By invoking religious scriptures, the show stresses the significance of a hopeful outlook, education, and community support in overcoming life's challenges. It highlights the importance of discipline, logical thinking, love, and spirituality in leading a meaningful life. Ultimately, the conversation underscores the necessity of a moral compass guided by divine principles to achieve personal and societal excellence.

00:00 Welcome to The Family Ties
00:37 Catching Up with Co-Hosts
01:19 The Importance of Family Celebrations
03:18 The Role of Stress in Growth
04:26 Exploring Manhood and Leadership
06:44 The Ethical Army and Hopeful Cadence
07:30 The Noble Pairs: Men and Women
11:37 Frederick Douglass and Building Children
18:38 Gratitude and Perspective in Adversity
25:46 Hope and Faith in Scriptures
27:40 Hopeful Disposition and Accountability
29:08 Education and Legacy
30:09 Fatherhood and Generational Impact
31:56 Charity and Responsibility
38:36 Moral Leadership and Best Life
40:49 Authority and Discipline
49:30 Reflections on Family and Guidance
54:51 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

This podcast is about family life as a means to address current problems in American society. A scripture based African American perspective. 

Welcome to The Family Ties, a Prescription for Society.
Through this experience we invite you to join us in an exploration of the concept of family ties as a prescription for society.
 
 YOUR HOSTS:  Frank Abdul Shaheed &
 Faridah Abdul-Tawwab Brown
 
 This episode was edited by Darryl D Anderson of AMG - Ambassador Media Group visit https://www.ambassador-mediagroup.com/
__________________________________
Music Credit
Back Home by Ghostrifter Official | https://soundcloud.com/ghostrifter-official
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International (CC BY-SA 4.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

Copyright 2024

Transcript

Frank: 0:16

Peace be upon the family, as we welcome you to another experience of The Family Ties, a prescription for society. I am your co host, Frank Abdul Shahid.

Faridah: 0:27

And I am your co host, Farida Abdul Tawab Brown. Before we get started, don't forget to subscribe so you can stay up to date and get all the latest episodes.

Frank: 0:37

Welcome back Farida. Welcome back to another episode of The The family ties, the prescription for society. How has your your week, your last few weeks have been for you, for your family?

Faridah: 0:50

Uh, They have been gloriously busy. So, you know, I think we've been very busy doing a lot. Adjusting to change just as the seasons, you know, just as we're reflecting a lot of what we see in the natural world around us. And so, yeah, just enjoying that time. And it's a pleasure to be back here with you and our listening audience. How, how have the past few weeks been going for you and your family?

Frank: 1:18

We've been, been very well. Yes. Had a situation of celebrating one of my niece's birthdays and I have Quite a lot of nephews, I have 17 nephews actually, but I only have five nieces. So the nieces are very, very special, especially to me. So whenever there's something for the niece. Needs any attention or anything. I'm always trying to make it my point to be there. So she had her 25th birthday and we all went and visited my niece and made it such a wonderful memory for her. And she's grown to be such a young, wonderful young lady and just established herself in the world. So, but over the last few weeks, you know, just celebrating the, the change in the seasons, the changes in the colors, the changes in the weather. So you know, this is a mercy, so everything's been very well. Thank you.

Faridah: 2:07

Wow. It is a mercy. You know, I think of you said 25th birthday, you know, that emphasis on five, five being such a seminal number for humanity. You know, our five senses, our five fingers on each hand, five toes. five openings on the face, you know, the two eyes, the two nostrils and the mouth. So, you know, listening to you share how she is making her way in the world, awakening to her purpose, establishing herself as an adult is such a heartening thing to hear. And especially as you consider your role as an uncle, as a, a male providing male leadership and attention that is necessary in the construction of family life. You know, it's, it's a, it's a wonderful thing. So I am pleased to hear that. And it's always wonderful when we are able to share the forward progress. Of our, of our families.

Frank: 3:00

Yes, and she's such a very dynamic personality in our family. You know, she makes it known that she's on the scene and she requires quite a bit from her uncle. And I just want to say for the record that her uncle does not mind the requirement that she puts on me.

Faridah: 3:14

Well, thank you, Uncle. I think that is the requirement of leadership. I think, you know, that that's kind of a really nice segue into a very weighty topic. Because you're, you're talking about the. the stress, you know, I, my husband is a nutritionist and a personal trainer and, you know, he's also a triathlete. So he's always doing, always doing a lot, quite a bit of research into the scientific underpinnings of, of exercise and the physiology of the human body as it, especially as it's pushed to its limits. And he's always, you know, he's preaching to me often the merits of weightlifting and strength, strength training, as he calls it. And one of the principles is that stress is what builds muscle. You have to put stress on the muscle. It has to, to tear a little bit in order to form, reform, you know, or heal more strongly. And so when I think of you accepting the responsibility, the pressure, the stress of providing, whether it's emotionally, spiritually, materially for your entire family. But in particular, this feminine interest and the women in your, your life and in your family units. I, I see the picture of manhood and we did just you know, if you were with us, you know, in our listening audience, if you were with us in a previous episode, we were pleased to host our first guests on the program. And that was a round table and intergenerational round table of men who happened to be from my family. So, you know, it was an honor, a pleasure to, to be able to have them join us. But the conversation was about the, the role, the position, the understanding of who men are, what it means to be a man both as a noun and to embody the male essence and, and what man means as a verb, the movement in the world, and that acceptance of stress. to make one stronger. Of course, when you think about men, there are all kinds of ways that women are strong. But when you think of strength and the embodiment of that in the human, the balanced human picture, you, you tend to think of the musculature of the man. And so I just wanted to say that that was you know, it was of great benefit to me to be a part of that conversation and to listen to you as men discussing the ideas. Around manhood and what it means and in particular, introducing the language to our listening audience for those who are not familiar with the idea that, that man means mind and all that the mind can, can do to generate, to secure interest, to move things along, to provide leadership and protection in, in the world is something that really came through, I think, very clearly in that conversation.

Frank: 5:57

That's a wonderful, wonderful conversation.

Faridah: 5:59

Yeah. And so I do want to say we, we had a very robust conversation and I do want to say God willing, we'll have our guests back on and we'll continue that conversation. And in the future, we hope to have more conversations with many more guests and perhaps some of you in our listening audience. may one day join us as we not only discuss these ideas, but really as we learn how to embody them and help us to form a new picture as we're moving forward to establish a new type of cadence, you know, a cadence call of movement and rhythm for our people in establishing the good life, the family life, that is a prescription for society. So I did want to add, Oh, yeah, go ahead. I don't say

Frank: 6:40

often addressed as the ethical army, but go ahead. Yes.

Faridah: 6:43

Yeah, no, no, no. Yes, the ethical army and that is indeed, you know, Muslim, Christian, Jewish people of all faiths and backgrounds who want to see excellence established in the world who are who love humanity. who see our possibility and the potential and are not willing to give up in light of all the negative messaging that is coming to us today. We're not willing to give that up. We are willing instead to look to scripture for guidance and have the hopefulness of the believer saying that we are marching to a new cadence, to God's cadence, responding to the call of his servants to come alive to our purpose. And so I believe that's This is what we're inviting our audience to do, and this is what these conversations are a part of. They're not just talk. It's part of a movement.

Frank: 7:30

Yes. And as you addressed earlier, you know, we had this wonderful roundtable of men, and ultimately we'll have a roundtable of women as well. You know, we don't ever want to Forget the, the, the pairing of the two, they are natural mates of each other. We introduced the term man is mine. That was introduced to us by Imam WD Muhammad, Wallace D Muhammad. And he also complimented that with that the woman is the womb of the mind. So as much as men need to have their authority and establish their authority in the world, their authority is only sensitized by her. She is the room for his authority. So he just can't go on his own to decide he wants to do what he wants to do. He has to do it with that sensitivity. So as much as we want to make men to be very muscular and we're designed to be very muscular, we're very, we're designed to have, you know, large muscles to carry a heavy burden physically. But that same level of muscularity and strength is seen in a woman, but it's seen. It's inward, not necessarily hourly, but very inwardly in her responsibility and the things that she must carry has a half that have to have a level of strength as well, just to even have a baby, the strength that a woman has to have just to carry a baby for nine months is, is an unparalleled strength, but it's unique to her because it was designed to be for her. So we want to make sure in these conversations, we want to always let the audience know that there's always a pair. You cannot separate the two. They're always together.

Faridah: 9:04

On that note, as you said, the, the internal and the external, you know, it's a conversation as you all know, in our audience, you know, you all know that I am my husband and I are the parents of four daughters. And so as you can imagine, we have many discussions in our household and God bless him because the estrogen does. So, you know, keep him in your prayers always, you know, he has a different type of stress that he bears that strengthens him. But you know, to all fathers of daughters out there, we respect you. We love you. Your presence in the lives of your daughters is it cannot be replaced, not by, by mother or anyone else. But I will say. that we have recently even had, had many discussions on the uterus as a muscle, you know, is a muscle and, and their understanding of all of the, the different changes that they go through as young women, you know, the physical changes that they go through and how the, you know, it's not just, it's not something to suffer, but it is a, a, a signal, you know, we, we opened this conversation talking about the musculature and stress patterns. being placed on it. And the muscle, you know, being built by that stress. Well, the uterus is a muscle and that the contraction of the uterus is what allows life to flow to for impurity to be cleansed. They're all, there's a number of things, but like you said, that's an internal musculature that it may not always be apparent to the rest of the world, but the function that it serves is is singular. You know, in the, in the life and the future of mankind. So like you said, even the woman being the womb of the mind, that mating, the fact that the the, we were created in noble pairs, you know, and so the nobility, the karamna, that is an Arabic term from the Quran, it's, it's referring to the nobility of mankind of the children of Adam. You know, we can look at that and infer from that as well, that the the the functions of both man and woman to produce that, that nobility that is inherent from a being that was in the creation of Adam and which we all bear, that there is an ability in our roles, our individual roles that we play in helping that come into into reality. And so, And speaking of men and women, noble pairs, we touched briefly on a concept in, in the episode where we had our intergenerational men's round table. And we touched briefly on a, a quote from Frederick Douglass by Frederick Douglass and he discussed the, the being easier. to to build Children than to repair broken men. And of course, we understand men to be in the sense of universal man. That quote was referring to both men and women. And one of the things that you know, was discussed was that the idea that it's easier to build children than to repair broken men, but easier does not mean that it's impossible to do the other And so the you know, the the the difficult work the challenging work especially when we see today such a a vacuum in the leadership and the role and the presence of men in the lives of of all men in this country, but in particular of African American men and boys. And we see that that lack, the the guidance that we've been given from scripture leads us to Understand that the role of those who have, you know, we discussed the idea of charity being paired with the standing and the establishment. Well, the charity has to come in the form of, in every religion, in Christianity and Judaism and Al Islam, we have the idea that we're supposed to take care of the orphan. Yes. And so if the child is orphaned in reality, or if the child is orphaned by virtue of the absence of, of his father or her father in their life, then it is the responsibility of the community. to take care of that orphan, to, to step in and to provide that modeling that men give, that the material sustenance that men give. That's a responsibility of the community that they bear. And so I think that's something that hopefully we'll address on future podcasts, perhaps to some extent in this conversation. But I do want to go on record as saying that that Frederick Douglass, he made that commentary as a slave as a slave who liberated himself and ultimately had his freedom paid for by abolitionist supporters of his, but he had the experiences. He was taught by life. He was not educated in the institutions of the day, but he was taught by you know taught, taught how to read by a one of his mistresses, and he was essentially self taught and taught through his experiences as a human being and on the circuit. So he's an impressive man, but I think that this idea that that one road is easier, because it's the natural road that God designed, the noble pair coming together to produce an environment that takes a child from infancy to their establishment with the help of God. And then there's a more challenging road that the believers are invited to attend to, and that is the repairing. Of those who have been broken.

Frank: 14:30

Yes. And the invitation itself is an invitation to the best life, the most complete life, the essential life. So when we see Children, Children are a representation of that for the thinking person. You know, I've been blessed to have two children of my own. I've come from a family where it was five of us that my parents gave birth to five. And then my father comes from a family where his parents gave birth to 12 children. So so for the parent, when the child comes into the world, we see the ideal life. In the child, we see the innocent life. We see the most comprehensive life. And ultimately we have to protect that life, provide for that life and protect that life. So a child represents that. So in Frederick Douglass's struggle to understand where he was at the moment, at the time, looking at slaves and slavery at the time, and understanding that we were children who came into this world under, under a condition that wasn't an innocent condition. It was already marred by deficiencies and, and things that take away from the good life. We were brought into that world. So in his mind and in his soul, like every soul, we seek to find the purity. We seek to find the thing that's essential and innocent in us to be able to identify and we move towards that. So in his mind, he's believing that the child itself, the innocence of the child is easier. It's easier. This is the way this is the prescription for us to have a better life going forward. Some people have been affected by circumstances, which may not be their fault. It may not be But ultimately they will carry some level of the burden of responsibility as well. But the emphasis should be to the purity of the life of the human being, and we want to address the purity and in the purity, ultimately we can address the deficiencies. But never the other way around it. If we address it the other way around, then we neglect the innocent and we neglect the purity and ultimately never even get to that point about evolution or development. So Frederick Douglass and his great wisdom, Frederick Douglass was a mouthpiece for all who were downtrodden, all of this group of people who once again came into this world and came into this situation that were nothing that they'd done in the past. But they found themselves at the bottom. They found themselves under the choke and yoke of, of oppression and wanting to have the free life, the best life, and not only for that group of people, but that's just what's natural in all people, because we're all the same from the same soul. So that's what the soul yearns for in its essential cry. So the great Frederick Douglass, and yes, he is a giant for us and he's a giant for humanity. And we watched him, we saw his life unravel in a way that he ultimately freed, freed himself and got to the point where he could now affect the innocent life and give nurturing to the innocent life, the great Frederick Douglass.

Faridah: 17:33

Yes, I, I could not have put it better than you did just now that was a wonderful summary of his life and impact. And I would say too that you know, after you know, Frederick Douglass is buried in Rochester, New York and a significant part of his life was spent there. And one of the things that happened is that, you know, with his wife, he took in many relatives of his. who were coming out of slavery. And as you can imagine, the toll that oppression takes, I don't even think that we can we're very fond in this day and age, our people here. Now I'm speaking to our people, African American people and I'm speaking the descendants of, of slaves. We, We tend to be a bit myopic in our thinking, particularly in the current day and age, and we focus in on our set of circumstances without the benefit of the long view of history and scripture. So what does, you know, that, that, what, if we look at our current circumstances in light of human history, or even just our history, our sojourn here in this country brought to these shores, To be enslaved, brought living, constructing a new culture, a new ethnic identity being constructed on these shores under the yoke of oppression, of chattel slavery. And we tend to look at our circumstances today and say, this is the worst we've ever had it. This is entirely untrue. It is not factual. And if we would, we're told in the Quran. The, the guidance of, of God, we're told that when you have an unfortunate, I'm paraphrasing here, but we're told that when you're not when you're not doing well, when your circumstances seem to be circumscribed. Look at the one who is worse off than you. Now that can be looking around you because what does that do when we look at those who are worse off? We should what that should that opens up a pathway to gratitude Yes, what is if there's a person who is worse off than I am Then what does that say about my situation? It means that I have somehow some extra set of resources, whether it's in my spirit, whether it's in guidance that I've been given, whether it's a material circumstance, there is something in my circumstances for which I have to be grateful. And a manifestation of that gratitude is to use what I have to, to reach the next level of establishment in the life of, of the human being. And so there, we can do that in multiple ways. One of the ways we can do it is to literally look around us. We suffer here in the United States, you know, under poverty, there's, you know there are systems that are set up in a way that we're more likely to fall victim to certain behaviors. All of those things are a reality. Now, take a look overseas, look at realities where people are literally starving to death and then return that fresh set of eyes to your circumstances and ask, what, what do I have to be grateful for? And what can I do with the circumstances that I have? And none of that negates reality. It doesn't say that the things that you've observed are not in fact true, but what it does say is how can I look at this now as a grateful human being who has been given some measure more. than another group of people on this planet. And the other invitation it gives us as well is to not just survey what's happening now, but to survey our same circumstances throughout our history. So compare yourself now to our ancestors, the freed men and women who are just coming out of of enslavement. What were their circumstances? What are our circumstances? What do we have to be grateful for? What can we learn from what they did with their resources and how we can we apply that now? So I think that there is an impulse in us today. I'll be quite frank. It's quite disturbing because what it does is it does not allow for a hopeful, optimistic realistic. I won't say optimistic. I will say a realistic and hopeful look at our circumstances that allows us to see that we are on a trajectory from slavery. Yes. We came from a reality that is far worse than where we are now. So if we could come this far, then we can go that much further.

Frank: 22:09

Yes. Well, you're, you're Presentation just now. I couldn't have said that any better. I would say to add to that because we do have that this notion in us there, there's a tendency in us whether we're conscious of it or not. And we're not necessarily sure what's fueling it. And I would just assume that it's usually the enemy, a man who was influencing us to have this Perspective, but normally in this perspective, we would, we would say, and I'm articulating with that perspective would be that's being influenced by the enemy. We would tend to say that's, that's too idealistic. Like what you're saying is to pie in the sky. Like, that's not, that's not true. Although you did say that, you know, we won't negate the reality of things and we're, and we're not negating it. But often it comes with a responsibility. And as you said, we don't have an appreciation, a readily appreciation to look at our history and juxtapose our circumstances today to what our history was before. I may mention in that roundtable discussion about the womb itself and how the womb is a confining. Place for a child, a child can't stretch out a child. Can't, they can't freely move the way they want to move. And ultimately the womb is designed to place the child in a place for the child to now have its best life. So when a child is forming in the womb, the head is never at the bottom. It's always at the top or to the side, but when it comes time for the time, when it comes time for the child to now exit the womb, because the womb has served its full purpose. Then the child gets rotated and put in a situation where it can now go to its next step. So that imagery alone should help motivate us to understand that absolutely yes, in 2024, we are going through some very difficult times. But no, no doubt about it at all, but these times were designed to form us in a way for us to be able to handle and manage the responsibility for what tomorrow has to bring for us in every way, in every shape, in every form. The fact that I wake up every morning and look at the sun, you know, there's a rapper who I won't call who it is, but he said that it doesn't take all day to see the sun. Those who can appreciate life, it doesn't take you all day to see the sun. The minute you notice it, when you look outside up, there it is. The child, the newborn child is another day for us. The sun rising is another day, which means there's another chance for me to take another step forward in the womb that I'm currently in now to exit me out, to be able to manage my responsibilities. So that's, and some people would say, Oh, that's too idealistic. It's really not, we need to burn off the impurities. You know, God, God says himself that he created good and only accepts the good. So anything that's not good has to be purified. You know, we do things for purity to be purified. So that way in his eyes, the one who's going to hold us accountable for, for our life, we will become acceptable to him, be acceptable. So we have to do the same thing to one another. We have to burn off these impurities that take us away from the good life and the best life. So. Just wanted to use the reference of the womb, use of reference of the child. And every day we see signs that tomorrow to actually today, today gives us hope to be able to deal with what we couldn't deal with yesterday. So we should be able to fix our determination to understand that. Yes, we're in a bad situation, but yesterday was far worse than today.

Faridah: 25:46

Yes, I, I, and I will, I just want to share this, you know as As Muslims, we believe that the, the Quran, that the Muhammad, the prophet prayers and peace be upon him came to confirm what was revealed before, you know, and, and came to clarify and shed light on what came before. So in that tradition, we are to hold as truth, whatever came in the scriptures before that is consistent with the Quran. And so what you just said about Being hopeful, being successful Jeremiah 29, 11 for, I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord plans for welfare and not for evil to give you a future and a hope. John 14 27. Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled. Neither let them be afraid. And finally, Joshua 1 9. Have I not commanded you be strong and courageous? Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. God tells us in the Quran, surely, there's an emphasis in the Arabic, it say verily, surely, certainly, the believers. will be successful. That is a promise that comes from faithfulness. It is a, an eyes wide open look at the world. It does not mean that we will not have struggle. It does not mean that the circumstances of our lives are not constrained at times. It does not mean that the enemy of man is not alive and well and doing his work to seduce us away from our covenant with and to into a covenant with him. But what it does mean is that the disposition of the believer, the one who accepts guidance as scripture as guidance, that the believers have a hopeful disposition. And they know that whatever it is that we're looking at, we're looking at it with a hopeful spirit, knowing that as you ended, you said, we have to know that what we're doing is pleasing to God. So, and we know that we will be accountable to our creator one day. So that type of security is not in what we, the outcome, we are not able to secure the outcome. Right. God secures the outcome. What we are responsible for is the effort and the effort is always rewarded and God promises us a success. So I just say that as a reminder to us that when we include with that we marry that with this understanding of man meaning mind and woman being womb of mind, it means that with this hopeful disposition, now we are free To set our rational capacities, our creative capacities, In service to the creator using that guidance. Now we're able to set those capacities to work in the service of the benefit of meant to come up with solutions to come up with strategies to address. the situations in which we find ourselves. So a strategy there's something I, I think back to the idea of education and how education can be used to uplift and has always been used in our journey up from slavery to, to edify, to help us understand who we are, to give us knowledge of self always grounded for the most part in knowledge of God. This type of education was used. To help us give us the true picture of who we are. And one of the things that I wanted to say in light of even Those young people that that really great robust conversation that we had with those three generation of men in the same family It helped us to understand or gave us a perspective. Yes on the importance of fathers in the lives of their children. And that legacy that is not only left by grandparents and parents, grandfather to father, father to son, but also leaving what was expressed there was that you have to leave something for the next generation to work with. And so one of those things is what happens, what do we do when we have a generation of young people who, grew up or adults now who grew up without those those fathers or father figures in their life. And now they have children. So who, who are not benefiting from that legacy? One of the programs that one of the, the, the invitations the pathways that was opened up by the honorable Elijah Muhammad was the idea of boarding schools for our, for our children. So when you have an environment, a womb going back to that pairing, right, that there's a womb and environment that nurtures, that's the feminine energy. And then you have a discipline, a structure, a leadership that balances that out. That's the masculine energy or the masculine. I won't use energy. That sounds kind of like, you know. Kind of a space talk sometimes to people, but the principle, I'll use that word, the masculine and the feminine principle when you put those two together, you're talking about creating an environment that has structure and discipline in it. And, and as you said, secures or, or gets rid of the impurities. Yeah. So that innocence can be protected. So maybe one of those strategies and we have to have plenty of strategies, but the creativity and the, the, the thinking mind can awaken to the fact that perhaps we can create other environments that would help those who do not have. men in their lives, the fathers in their lives, or the father figures, while we are still building toward the recognition that it is necessary for us to build those strong family units. So I just thought I'd put that out there. I don't know if you want to reflect on that or even add something else to that conversation.

Frank: 31:57

Well, in, in scripture and you've referenced this in, in that particular episode of the podcast that it talks about freeing the slave. And that is the one who has been bound by something that they can't have their best life. Depending on what that is, it could be something physical, emotional, spiritual, any type of resource, a lack of resources that doesn't allow them to have their best life, their burden, their, their just different circumstances that doesn't give them that free pathway, but those who have the ability are authorized and are commanded. To free the slave that that's what we're supposed to do. So charity itself is part of that. So even if I'm in the most neglectful stage in my life, I'm still obligated to give charity. That's all that obligation never leaves me. But, but that comes with a level of intelligence as well. So that means that I have to create ways or have to look for ways, actively look for ways to put myself in position to give charity. Which means that I'm open to receive charity. Now receiving the charity is only designed to get me back to a point position where I can now give it. So this part of our culture and this part of our history and. Well, not history, our circumstances that we have a lot of deficiencies in the purity of what we're aiming for and what we're working for is ultimately to be able to give charity to that situation for them to understand that you're not designed to stay in that situation. You're designed to come out of that. And move into a better circumstance, hence our history within slavery, you know, slavery, whether those who oppressed us did this by design or not by design, it wasn't, we weren't going to ever stay in that condition. It was beyond them. Their time ended in being the oppressors of a group of people, because that womb, if you want to use that term, came to his fulfillment in that sense, and then something was birthed out of that circumstance. So ultimately, we're not designed to be in a deplorable state. We're not, we're designed to stand up as all human beings, standing up in a conviction and in a recognition of who we are as an individual and as a soul, and as an expression to ultimately come into our best life. So the obligation on those who have. Are to give to those who don't, and to never, and I want to strongly emphasize this in every endeavor that we embark upon, we can never escape. We should never leave out and we should never not be mindful of our responsibility to our creator, because in that regardfulness is what uplifts our community and brings us to the core. Destination excellence that we always talk about, that the soul has always talked about. That is the key for us to come into our best picture. So whenever the woe is me attitude kind of comes and becomes very pervasive in some of our establishments, then that means those establishments have left their regardfulness for their creator.

Faridah: 35:09

You know, the idea. That we can somehow accomplish the monumental task of taking humanity, a human community, from slavery to establishment. Without the mercy, the guidance and the help of our creator is one of the greatest I think, invitations to downfall that our enemy has ever

Frank: 35:50

sold.

Faridah: 35:52

And so what you said is in fact where every one of these conversations begins. There, when you said that we cannot escape the responsibility, we cannot escape the responsibility to our creator and then the creator is the one who gives us an inborn sense of responsibility for others, for our fellow man. You're right. You know, it's a, it's a care and concern that is nurtured by the family unit and that womb of the family while we are still young to take care of one another, look out for your brother, look out for your little sister, you know, this is a family act as one where one fist together these lessons for the healthy family. The healthy set of parents, we know there are aberrations, but the healthy human family inculcates this type of, of a sense of loyalty and support for one another from the time that children are young. So if we go back to the idea that we, Oh, even as you said that you should always be trying to put yourself in a position to give charity, that even when you are in a position where you need to receive charity, even a smile. Can be an act of charity. So even when you don't have material wealth to give, you can sustain and spark somebody's spirit just by your countenance, by your your outlook on the world, which for the believer, Is a positive outlook is a hopeful outlook is a realistic outlook because we know that we do nothing without the power of the creator. And so one thing I just wanted to say on this, and I'd like to get your response on this from you, and that is when we are when we're establishing or acknowledging. The responsibility that we have to one another, and we're acknowledging that that much is asked of us. What what comes to mind for me is the idea that the balance. It was something that one of our guests, our 23 year old guest, my nephew, and he is newly married. And you asked him about a question. You asked him about You know, he, they do not have children yet, but they hope to one day, God willing, you know, what are his thoughts what has informed him in terms of his understanding of his role as a father, which you know, God willing will happen for them one day. And I thought that his response, particularly as a 23 year old was very thoughtful. I mean, that's always who Ihsan has been, but it was a, it was an insightful response. And he talked about how he hoped to to model for his children and set a direction and orientation for his children toward what is good. Yes. That they be, that they aspire to what is good. They understand and know what is good. And they and it's something that is modeled for them by their parents and for him in particular in this conversation by the father. And so I think that we cannot get away from The importance of the fact that when we're talking about leadership and leadership comes from, remember, even understanding the concept of man means mind we're talking about that in a masculine sense right now in the sense of men, adult human males, but that is a, a principle that is alive and well in females as well, you know, that, that thinking that being the mind and, and rational being rational and reasoning. But in particular, we're talking about the context of men and fathers is that you have to accept. As we've spoken of in other episodes of this podcast, that there is a good life, not a, and there is a best life and the, the parameters for that best life are laid down by the creator. They're not laid down by our individual desires. We have, there's a wide birth. There's an idea in. Al Islam in the that the idea, the term halal means what is permissible and that that is wide and big and that haram, what is impermissible or unlawful, that that's, those are, that's a particular set of things and it's, it's limited, but the, the parameters for halal are, are wide. So within the parameters that God puts down for mankind on how to achieve our best lives. There are individuality. There are, there are ways that we can individualize the expression of those principles that God lays down as excellent for mankind, but there are principles. And I think one of the things that we run into, one of the issues we run into today is the idea of moral relativism. or that we don't like to, who are we to judge other people? Right. And one of the things that Hassan was saying is that I want my children to know what is good and I want them to gravitate toward what is good. And I want to model what is good. And I think the, the, the, The concept of male leadership, the concept of fathers and manhood in society cannot shy away from there being a moral imperative. And that that morality is not created by a man because he's a man. It is created and laid down by the creator of all the worlds that men and women have to follow. And so I just think it's important and I'd like you to respond to that, that idea that there is a good and a bad. There are, there is a best way to do things. There is a, a natural set of principles by which the entire universe operates that are complimentary. And we have to be willing to say, I love you, my brother, I love you, my sister, but this is the best life and this is what I'm going to stand on. And so I want to know what you, you know, how you would respond to that, particularly in today's

Frank: 41:20

excellent question. So when it's saying. As that responded to that question, I immediately confirmed what he said, because that was the same answer that I gave when my wife and I were starting our life together and was wondering what would be the direction for our children. Like we understood spiritually and all the other things, but what was it that we wanted to give to our children? So that way it can consistently nurture them to be who we wanted them to be, to grow into the, well, They could never be what we wanted them to be because we're very limited. You know, God is the one who creates us and gives us our life. So the idea of what we wanted to have in the direction we wanted them to go, we just wanted to make sure we were going in that direction, which was a good, the good life direction. So what Ehsan said was basically what I confirmed. So we had the same. Same view in which I was very happy to hear to let me know that it was a very natural. That's a very natural disposition and want for a father for his Children because he is the provider and the protector for the family and for the Children. So you talk about this moral. This moral compass, if you will in position of leadership, leadership, having a moral compass. So I, I wanted to quickly about, and this adds to the question you're at, you're asking me. We, we recently lost John Amos, who most of us knew him as the father James Evans on good times. Also, he played the adult Kunta Kinte in the TV show roots. But specifically the father for good times and James on good times was a moral character on the show. They kept the family in a certain direction. He complimented his wife and he made sure that his children was not going to do anything. That they weren't supposed to. And if they did, they would have to suffer the consequence. And James did not hold back on making sure they understood what the consequences of, of them being out of line. So that sense of fatherhood and having that moral leadership for a family sets the family on a road for them to, to ultimately. Ultimately have the best life because it's predicated upon that is predicated upon a, a regardfulness of your creator and what he created in you. And you are being obedient to what is already in you to be able to provide pathways to bring that out to its fullest, to its fullest life. So we talk about the best life. You know, people say I'm living my best life versus living the best life. And, and the best life is a universal principle. The best life is a universal principle means that every group of people in any way in the world has that. Principle for their, their determination as well, but we have to go back to gauge our picture of our best life against the picture of the best life and have to adjust accordingly. We have to be open and accountable and have some level of accountability to understand that we have to make whatever necessary changes we can to make sure that our best life is in alignment with the best life. Because if not, then ultimately. We'll just have chaos and, and all types of disorder and, and people will now draw back where we were naturally. Designed to be brought together in the life that we want to have for ourselves. So so that, that's kind of my understanding, excuse me, of what, of what that looks like of a father and wanting to have good leadership in his family, but the leadership has to begin in a moral sense. And then from there. You know, that's the guideline for us. And that's the parameters for us. Now, within that parameter, within that halal parameter, I have the expanse of the earth and the heavens for me to establish the life that I'm designed to establish because my creator is the one who provided these steps for me. So I look at it in that sense. As far as women are concerned and them having this ability to have the level of strength and to have the level of thinking processes that men have. Absolutely. Because we're from the same soul. So in referencing my niece and her putting the demands on me and, and interesting, you say that in a I have another niece whose birthday is coming up soon too, but that particular niece, I tell her as she's developing into the woman she's developing. And I'd say from a man's perspective that. One of the more, one of the more beautiful things that God has ever created was a woman who smiles now. That's, that's a natural disposition in a woman. So she's going to naturally smile because she feels good. But there are structures that needs to be around her to protect that smile. That's the innocence. There has to be a structure to protect the innocence and a smiling woman represents the innocence. Nothing says more about innocence than a woman who smiles aside from a child, but we're talking about adults. If you see a woman who smiles all the time and have a very beautiful, natural smile, then that's worth dying for. That's something that men need to protect because it says something about the soul being in a good state and that what she gives us charity will be nothing but beneficial to society on the whole.

Faridah: 46:41

Interesting that you mentioned smile a lot of times and the, the role, how, again, our manifestations as men and women, whether it's the thinking, the innocence, the purity, the beauty, the structure, the discipline, all of those things interact with one another. They compliment one another. So you're talking about a woman's smile. I remember, I remember when the the Me Too movement took off and, you know, it initially began with you know, conversation around sexual assault and impropriety and the workplace and things of that nature. But one of the things that happened was a conversation that, that allowed women to discuss what was happening to them in the context of, you know, walking down the street and being cat called. And, and, and one of the conversations that came up, particularly from African American women, was that they were always being, there were men who would demand that they smile. Why are you looking so mean? Why are you looking so mad? Why don't you smile or smile? You're too pretty not to be smiling. And one of the things that I think is missing in that is that what we're not understanding is that the point that you just made, that a woman smiling is protected. If a woman is and you know, this is a generalization. I'm not, you know, there are some women who are just more serious minded or not serious minded because I think you can be serious minded and love to smile, but you know, God gives us different personalities. So, you know, I have some children who smile a lot and some, you know, when you get that smile, it is the most beautiful thing in the world, but it might take a lot to get there. However, the idea that, that our our sense of peace and wellbeing in the world is tied up with the the protection of our men is something I think that we should consider. And perhaps, consider more deeply the ramifications that it's not about, you know if someone asks you to smile, they're asking to see some beauty. So I'm not looking at this as to me, that's not about toxic masculinity or anything like that. It is an opportunity to reflect on the roles that we play in one another's lives. And that's not a You know, that's, that wasn't a vote for the Me Too movement. I think that's, there were certain things that were problematic, but what it does do is allow something, the light to shine on issues that are happening in our society, and then to deal with it from a God conscious perspective, with the light of guidance to illuminate this, not looking at, you know, how, you know, women might feel about this, but what is actual, not looking at how men might feel about this, but what is actually happening. And then allowing God to guide us to the best iteration, to our best lives. And there is guidance. But what I wanted to say about you, you talked about authority and and fatherhood about how, you know, the father, As an example and how what Hassan said resonated with you and that's what you did when you and your wife had your two sons, you know, you considered that you know, what am I doing? What legacy am I leaving? What do I want to cultivate in my children? And for both of you, the conclusion, the natural conclusion is I want to do good. I want to transmit good. I want to be good and I want them to carry on what is good. That is the natural proclivity. It reminds me that there's a a biblical saying with which, if you're an American, no matter what your religion is, I think most Americans are familiar with the biblical a quote from a biblical passage, spare the rod, spoil the child. That's right. And, you know, For many of us, we grew up with it just being a literal direct reference to spankings, you know, whippings, you know, you know, spare the rod, spoil the child. That child didn't get beat. So, you know, that's a whole, an entirely different conversation. What I thought about is what the rod represents or how it was represented in scripture and what that actually means. And when we think about a rod in scripture, whether it's Moses or Aaron in the court of the Pharaoh when they were throwing down their rods, what does the rod and, and throwing it against the magicians and the men of, of Pharaoh's court. And we're talking about the, The schemes of Satan and the schemes of men who have been seduced by Satan, and then the power that is endued by men who are conscious and sincere and seeking God's guidance and what he can, the power and authority he can imbue them with by virtue of them being servants of his. And so the, the the rod is a, it's a natural symbol of authority and almost all of the prophets throughout scripture, many of them, or almost all of them were shepherds. You know, so they, they led their flocks. They, they directed their flocks. They cared for their flocks. Again, this nurturing element we see again in the prophets, even though they were men, we're looking at that principle of duality they're caring for. Not only are they leading, but they're caring for their flock. So there's this element of femininity, the nurturing along with the discipline and the structure. And so the rod was what they used to direct and guide their flock. And so as a representation of authority, we can also see that what was when Pharaoh's magicians threw down their rod and then Moses throws down his rod. It eventually does what it swallows up their, their rods. That's the Quran story, right? That's the, the, how we are told the story in the Quran. What does that mean? That means that how you, the establishment, the authority by which you rule has to be aligned with God's authority in order for it to swallow up the schemes of the world, to protect the innocent, to have a chance of being successful. And so I think that invitation that is given to men as fathers when they, when they are husbands and fathers is to rule not by my will, not rule, but to, to lead. To lead not by my will, but to always reference back to the guidance of God. That's how we, that's how we go right. And that's how we determine what is good and bad, what is right and wrong, what holds value for us and what needs to be purified.

Frank: 52:53

Absolutely. And that's why James Evans in that deplorable circumstance that they were in he made sure he did not sp a rod on those folks. So and they even had categories to all farmers. They even had categories for the, the types of beatings that they would get. But, you know, but that was it. But it was more love than anything else. So but the rod also represents a discipline. And a logic as well. So you spoil, you spare the discipline and you spare the the, the logic, then anything can happen. You spoil the job and what's spoiling meaning that it's not useful, it's not useful anymore. So we don't want that. The, the, the, the life is a useful life and the children are signs for us that life comes anew. For us. So that's greater good and greater use for us. So absolutely. Well, I'll tell you my my grandmother, she didn't pull the rod at all, but I love you. I

Faridah: 53:46

would say that my I can say you know, not that we didn't receive spankings, but I remember the rod that my father used being more the, the, the the rod of, of logic and reasoning with us, you know? So it was, and it was always from scripture was always the guidance that comes from a lot. I don't have any authority except that it comes from God because I'm inviting you to what is good. And so, yeah. And so I remember when you say that it was one of those things that, and I know there it's been a source of comedy. for the American sitcom for many decades. I don't know when it disappeared, but you know, we that the threat would be, I'm going to tell your father and nobody wanted to get in trouble. So it's like that idea that this rot this discipline was going to be used to measure the your behavior. Are you aligning yourself with, with what is pleasing to God or are you not? And that's the function that you know, daddy served. Nobody wanted him to be called at work.

Frank: 54:50

Yes, absolutely. Well, Farda. You know, with this conversation and the many views that we have and the views that our audience has and wanting to get us to a place where we can be very beneficial to those who are immediately around us and to those who may just be down the street next door to our neighbors. You know, the praise is for God, the praise is the knowledge comes from him. And he has given us intelligence to be able to use this, to help us get us to the best life. And with that, we have moved. One step closer to destination excellence.

Faridah: 55:24

Until next time, let us remain conscious of our creator, of the sacred relationship of parent and child and of the family ties that bind us. Subscribe to the podcast and come back next time for a new episode of The Family Ties.

Frank: 55:40

From Frank Abdul Shahid

Faridah: 55:42

and Farida Abdul Tawwab Brown.

Frank: 55:46

Peace, peace be

Faridah: 55:49

upon the family.